It's a fact. I may be a good friend in showing support and love, but I'm absolutely terrible at sharing my pain. I'm not sure why, but I guess I must think, if I don't share, I won't get hurt. Living through others is easier than living through myself.
Wow, when I think of it from that point of view, it's actually incredibly selfish. Yikes.
I'm most certainly not perfect. My friends may think I'm amazing, which is only true because God gave me the strengths I have. I never did finish highschool, I'm not going to make excuses, I'm pretty sure I could have finished if I had really tried. I have been "trying" to get a job for years, but not really trying. I may be stubborn, but it's almost never in the right areas.
Sometimes, it amazes me how anyone can believe that this is the way it is supposed to be. If this world is all there is, how can I go on living? Without heaven, and Jesus to give his blood for me to be there, there is nothing to live for. This world may be beautiful, but it is also terrible, ugly, cruel, and painful. I don't understand how anyone could live without God. I mean, not if they really understand their condition. Gosh.
Anyways, I didn't mean for this to be a depressing post, but whatever. =P
On the upside, I'm going on a mission trip to northern Minnesota next week. I cannot wait! Oh maaaan, is it gonna be awesome. Like, in the real sense of the word. And the other sense.
3 comments:
I love you, Gina. And I've been feeling much the same, recently. I have really been noticing how fleeting life on this earth is. I'm so happy that this life is not the ultimate reality, but rather a place for us to realize our depravity, clutch onto our Savior, and glorify Him by living our trite lives for Him to the best of our ability. And I mess up. A lot. But I will always be His, no matter what I do or fail to do. I find tons of comfort in that :)
Anyway. I didn't know about your missions trip! Or maybe I did, but I forgot. When you get back, you have to tell me allllll about it! :)
Life really is awful and cruel and horrible, but God is greater. I love you, babe! You've been through a lot and God is working in you. I can see it and I'm so excited.
Sometimes we have to wade through a lot of swamp mud to get to dry land. Keep wading. God is glorified by the struggle. <3
you're also terrible at posting...although i haven't exactly been on top of things... but I have a good excuse! several million infact
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